because,

sometimes I feel the world is infinitely small and everything's condensed and I touch everything, I can feel everything, I am a part of something, that I am not just some tiny speck in a universe that stretches billions of light years...

other days (like today) I think whether at night our reflections stare back at us, watching us fall into deep slumber (and dream, what do you know about dreaming?), wishing they were on this side and not the other (where they are);

like the looking glass, only unlike Alice, they can't step through: they can only wish.

some days I don't think about those things, I engross myself in books where the main character goes through a life-changing experience (including stepping through to the other side), and at first it seemed so random but when you get to the end you understand why,

Albert Einstein said "God does not play dice with the Universe."

while my guitar gently weeps,

I'm currently listening to the Beatles:Remastered and I'm thinking to myself 'this is it. that's all there is to it.' ... now if only I could save up to buy a gramaphone (or whatever it is it's called in these times) and buy the whole Beatles LP collection, lie on the sand with the sun in my eyes and the crisp voices of Lennon and McCartney playing in the background... I'd die happy. Theoretically. Well coupled with Frankie Blue Eyes and The Smiths...

Whatever happened to my beach house dream?

"Obla-di, Obla-da, life goes on!"

It does not get any better than that. The first image that pops up in my mind whenever I hear or hum this song is that of my dad singing it every time someone's down or he's bummed...

Yeah sometimes I wish I was a 70s (middle 60s?) child. Before Yoko Ono came about.

Whatever happened to my childhood dreams? I used to keep a list and I've seem to have misplaced it (where am I really? did I misplace the list or myself? I sound so old). My childhood daydream.

Ukraine.

"I'm fixing a hole where the rain gets in, it stops my mind from wondering... Where it will go?"

I don't understand why people underestimated Harrison so much... He wrote Something, Across the Universe and While My Guitar Gently Weeps... No one could've done it like he did.

So I was loading up Sgt. Peppers to play and the media player kept insisting on playing A Day in the Life as the first song... Gawd this is why CDs own mp3 by 1000x. One cannot listen to Sgt. Peppers out of order... Hmmm oh well Obla-di Obla-da.

"What would you think if I sang out of tune? Would you stand out and walk out on me..?"

Listening to The Beatles, in my mind I'm transported.

Norwegian Wood. Is quite possibly one of the best songs ever.

Norwegian Wood = The Beatles + Haruki Murakami = Owned. Best combo ever.

Now that's an equation I can actually understand! ;D

jack-o-lanterns,

i couldn't be more satisfied than i am now.

fashion,

Sometimes I find it so funny when people say stuff like "Oh, do you ever see real people wear stuff straight from the runway? Fashion is completely pointless." It's pretty much like saying Michelangelo didn't contribute much to society.

Fashion is art, just like the Mona Lisa. Look at a dress in a different perspective (instead of through monetary and religious lenses) and you can see how beautiful it really is, how much of the designer's soul is put into making an exquisitely detailed work of art. From mere yards of fabric they create something spectacular, magical : again, like how artists paint canvasses, designers create dresses.

the big city,

Went to Toronto on sunday and it was fab seeing everyone again... I've missed them. Next place, Montreal! or did we plan for Guelph? Oh wells whichever comes first. I wish we had time to walk along the harbor... as the bus was pulling out of Union Station Naiz and I realized that it was only a block away from the bus stop. Well, better luck next time eh?

My seniors (I have no idea what the proper term is, people keep thinking that I'm talking about senior citizens) had this gathering the night of raya... dapat makan sate doh. that was cool, our seniors are fun people. Then the night after the boys cooked. And it was yum. You guys did a great job boys. Thanks for inviting us and being such great hosts!

I have an eff-lot of reading and homework to do... But I keep feeling like I'm still on holiday, which is hardly a good thing. Today I saw 2/5th's as 20%... My braincells are gone. I am so blur.

Oh well, onto Aplia then.

hamilton's a fine fine place,

and i'm so tired. the view of lake ontario on the mountain is breathtaking.... it stretches into infinity. apparently it's right behind my campus so I'm gonna go check it out today. plus the royal botanical gardens as well.

i've probably seen half of the city... downtown's pretty sketchy, but it's got character, i adore it. went to sapporo last night for the dinner with sponsors... eggplant and squid ring tempura, yum!

can't wait for school year to start. my brains are rotting away..

Red bag,

I've been packing and unpacking and packing and unpacking. I'm not sure why that is... Most people would see it as a sign of nervousness, others excitement. I myself, have absolutely no idea. It's been tiring, that's for sure. It's hard when there's only a week left.

I love the fasting month. Maybe it's my psyche (I've always had the superstitious belief that the devils are locked up during Ramadhan), or maybe it's just mind over matter... It's so much easier for me to wake up and pray as I hear the beautiful sounds of the Azan... This month makes me think about God the most.

Pasar Ramadhan doh. Syiok giler.

Jelaludin Rumi & Yasmin Ahmad,

Our death is our wedding with eternity.
What is the secret? "God is One."
The sunlight splits when entering the windows of the house.
This multiplicity exists in the cluster of grapes;
It is not in the juice made from the grapes.
For he who is living in the Light of God,
The death of the carnal soul is a blessing.
Regarding him, say neither bad nor good,
For he is gone beyond the good and the bad.
Fix your eyes on God and do not talk about what is invisible,
So that he may place another look in your eyes.
It is in the vision of the physical eyes
That no invisible or secret thing exists.
But when the eye is turned toward the Light of God
What thing could remain hidden under such a Light?
Although all lights emanate from the Divine Light
Don't call all these lights "the Light of God";
It is the eternal light which is the Light of God,
The ephemeral light is an attribute of the body and the flesh.

...Oh God who gives the grace of vision!
The bird of vision is flying towards You with the wings of desire.

-Jelaludin Rumi, Mystic Odes

I thought that, at one point in my life, I'd be able to show her some of my scripts. She reignited my passion for writing, which was at one time, the only thing I ever wanted to do.

I regretted not posting anything on her blog, even though I was an ardent follower. Needless to say, everything she did stroke a chord with me, and many others, as can clearly be seen.

I hope that one day I'll be able to create Malaysian life stories as beautifully as she did.

Sedekah Al-Fatihah kepada Yasmin Ahmad. Semoga rohnya dicucuri rahmat Allah.

Prose: This is how it goes: your body at the edge of the shore,

This is how it goes: your body at the edge of the shore, staring dead ahead into nothing. Seagulls flying high above spread their wings towards the sky; from where you stand it looks like a peace sign more than anything. A good or bad omen, it doesn’t really matter. You spread your own makeshift wings (your beautifulslenderarms) and start swimming, blending in seamlessly with the vast emptiness we call the sea. You see it more as a challenge; as the waves beckon you back to the shore, your carnal lust for physical strength urges you to swim against the tide, further and further towards the horizontal line that differentiates the sky and the sea. It is at this moment, when you can’t picture the line with your naked eye anymore, you realize that both entities are really not so different. Just like how the soul and the body is connected, and humans make an imaginary line in order to distinguish one between the other. That, in actuality, it is existential and consequential because the other exists. It is while you are surrounded in this nothingness that it hits you; that we compartmentalize in order to achieve a kind of perfection, a system of ordered and manageable thought that was never really there to begin with. And here you are, swimming gracefully, parallel to the seagulls gliding effortlessly, towards the sun.

You wanna make fires and get Norwegian Wood with me

I like Lady Gaga, Alphabeat, Mr. Hudson and Julian Perretta =D. It's strange to find myself thinking that our pop music is evolving, yet rock remains relatively static and mundane. I can't name one modern rock band I can listen to all day long. Grammatics, I think, is the only band that's a little different from all the other trash. And it's indie, not rock =/

So what have I been doing these days?

I really don't know, but I've been busy =/

My grandma's been making me stock up on all these traditional Malay clothes. They're beautiful, but how am I supposed to fit them in my suitcase and still keep within the 20 kg limit? =(

I is sad.

Yesterday my sis and I were walking along Ampang Park and the haze was nuts. More toxic than that Britney song.

=(

Life's been good, only a few weeks left to go peeps =)

Spend time with the family and stay healthy.

Lately my head's been kinda funny.

I don't really get why.

Maybe I'm going through like a withdrawal process, where I know I should start detaching myself with certain people;

My family and friends especially.

I've always thought of myself as someone independent. I wasn't especially vulnerable. Spiteful, maybe.

Now I'm not so sure anymore.

Morrie Schwartz told Mitch Albom to give in to emotions fully, let it seep into the soul wholly, and then let go completely. That, he says, is the perfect antidote to combat fear.

But is fear the accurate emotion that I'm feeling right now?

Possibly, possibly.

Or it could just be that time of the month again.

Juncture

I love how he quotes the Qur'an a lot. I like the fact that he knows a lot about our history, about our religion. I like how he put in the Isra' allusion in the speech. I like the fact that he gave the speech in Al-Azhar. That in itself, is a mark of respect. The speech, in its entirety, is in line with my own personal beliefs; I'm glad that the leader of the Free World is beginning to air out all the hostility between the West and Islam, and is willing to work towards a better future.

Some of my favourite excerpts:

"Too many tears have been shed. Too much blood has been shed. All of us have a responsibility to work for the day when the mothers of Israelis and Palestinians can see their children grow up without fear; when the Holy Land of the three great faiths is the place of peace that God intended it to be; when Jerusalem is a secure and lasting home for Jews and Christians and Muslims, and a place for all of the children of Abraham to mingle peacefully together as in the story of Isra -- (applause) -- as in the story of Isra, when Moses, Jesus, and Mohammed, peace be upon them, joined in prayer. "

"I recognize it will be hard to overcome decades of mistrust, but we will proceed with courage, rectitude, and resolve."

"America does not presume to know what is best for everyone, just as we would not presume to pick the outcome of a peaceful election. But I do have an unyielding belief that all people yearn for certain things: the ability to speak your mind and have a say in how you are governed; confidence in the rule of law and the equal administration of justice; government that is transparent and doesn't steal from the people; the freedom to live as you choose."

"I am convinced that our daughters can contribute just as much to society as our sons. " (I absolutely love this line. More people should realize this.)

"The Holy Koran tells us: "O mankind! We have created you male and a female; and we have made you into nations and tribes so that you may know one another."

The Talmud tells us: "The whole of the Torah is for the purpose of promoting peace."

The Holy Bible tells us: "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.""

Read the whole thing here.

The speech is pretty long, 55 minutes and the transcript spans around three A4 pages. But it's beautiful. And it is a start. It's a good start.

I completely understand the skepticism and the hostility from Gaza and Islamabad. If my house was torn apart and I lost family members in the hands of Americans, I would take this speech as something more of a political ploy.

But I believe in Obama's sincerity, in his willingness to forge a better relation between our wrongly misunderstood religion and the West. As he said; "I do so recognizing that change cannot happen overnight. I know there's been a lot of publicity about this speech, but no single speech can eradicate years of mistrust..."

But he's willing to take the small baby steps. Are we?

My Favourite American Idol performance

Flashback:



He never told the judges why he personally chose that song and felt it important that he sang it.
Now we know why.

I'm a huge Lambert fan. But Cook's the man I go back to time after time for an emotional check.

Christian the Lion AKA Why Woman's Day is the best tabloid in the world and should be trusted

You know, I don't get why my posts are so dreary when I'm actually a pretty contented kid.
Anyway,
do y'all know Christian the Lion? (and his two owners whose names I've forgotten)?
That clip of Christian hugging his two owners was way way back from the 70s and his ex-owners are pretty old now, ( maybe 60+)?
Anyway, they actually found Christian at Harrod's.
I kid you not. Harrod's actually put Christian up on sale.
=(

(I swear all this is true, I read it from Woman's Day!!!! You know, the magazine that said that a dingo would never eat a baby...)

Anyway, I digress.

Seriously, Harrod's is reputed to be one of the best luxury store in the world.
But it's a big PR boo-boo to sell endangered animals
I don't fell like visiting Harrod's anymore =(
and I really really wanted to see those Egyptian statues in the store = '(

(How noooow Naizzzzzz =(((( )

Darn you Harrod's.

Which brings me to another question;

Am I too (pseudo)-ethical for my own good?

I don't eat shark fins soup when it's served in front of me. People think I'm shtooopid.
(I mean, it is in front of me kan? Might as well eat, no?)

And there was this one time I was being super-annoying (actually, when am I not kan?) and I went around my house switching all the electrical appliances.
I still do that.

People still think I'm shtoooopid.

Oh well, I just think it's funny =D

Me0wme0wme0wme0w

Arctic

sometimes in the morning i wake up and i think about the Almighty i feel a certain fear but also some sort of contentment because fate and free will exist not as polar opposites but as complements.

Yet another rope cut loose

Congratulations. You’ve just spun a silvery white matter. Now lie in it. Breathe in and out. Comfy, is it not? Like sleeping on clouds. I’m sure it suits your body perfectly. What could possibly go wrong with your own creation? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. You are, after all, unflawed.

Now look up. Sun’s a little too bright for you, isn’t it? Well that’s because last night a cherub whispered in your sleep. Wait, are you sure it wasn’t a seraph? Or, or… or Faustus. There. That makes more sense. Faustus and Mephistophilis.

And how did they incite in you… wait, let me guess. “Faith, here’s an equivocator, that could swear in both the scale against the other scale,” Alas. With such testimony, I’m sure they would’ve immediately sought you out. And I’m sorry to see that you’re flattered by it.

Hence, the vapor of comfort you lie in; “(thou) possessed of those effect for which I did (pledge an oath with him)”.

But look there, at the mists’ edge. Do you see a black spot?

Look again.

Feel the atmosphere around you. “As glooming peace this morning with it brings,” is it not?

Still can’t see it? Well, that’s fine… for now.

I just wanted to tell you that:

I know your game.

And as it goes, that little black spot will grow bigger and bigger, until it consumes you, feeds on you, suffocates you…

And you’ll realize that you’ve been lying on a tangle of web all along.

And only a fool would not know that.

Prose II

Wouldn't it be crazy if one day I wrote a love song about you? Not one of those Juliet and Romeo allusions, just plain I. Wish. It. Didn't. Hurt. So. Much. We're going through this not bothering to calculate how much it will cost in the end. How much debt we owe the world in the end. Don't ever pop my bubble darling, try not to, because beneath this layer of scent and protective shield is just air. That's it. Air. Do I really need to tell you what fills it?

Jazz and Haruki Murakami

I've never really taken a special interest in jazz before.

Sure, I could listen to a few Yoko Kanno fusions, a little bit of Jamie Cullum, but that's about it. Anything other than that was incomprehensible, like someone telling you how to amazing liver pate tastes, and you just don't get it 'cos all you taste is... well nothing. It was tasteless.

When I was younger I was an N*Sync fan. Yeap. Hardcore stuff eh?

Then as I got older, I decided I was really into rock, real rock. Led Zeppelin, The Smiths, The Doors, Pink Floyd, Bob Dylan, The Rolling Stones, you name it, I'm game for it. I was also into modern rock, Paramore and Switchfoot were at the top of my list.

About two years ago a friend introduced me to the great (late) Jeff Buckley. I've never looked back since. And I realized no other music that did not have the same calibre as he does would never satisfy me. Some songs are just ear candy, like Colbie Caillat and Jason Mraz. They're great, don't get me wrong.

But Jeff Buckley is just out of this world. There will never, ever be another Jeff Buckley. Everyone; from Coldplay to Oasis, took inspiration from his music (mind you, there was only one album that he finished just before he died).

And now, I've decided

that I love jazz.

I first got into it when I listened to Stacey Kent's "Breakfast on the Morning Tram" album. It was pure perfection, her voice cuts through your soul like a solid Japanese knife, and it sticks there. It was haunting, doused with sugar sweet vocals. I couldn't get enough of it.

Jazz I realized, is a little different than other genres. You have to really listen to it. As in sit down with a cup of tea or coffee in a quiet room and just let the music take you away, to places you've never been before, to make you discover feelings you never thought you had before. It needs your full attention, or you just might miss the little things that makes it. You've gotta close your eyes and savour it wholly.

My other favourites are (of course) Frank Sinatra, Micheal Buble, Jamie Cullum and Louis Armstrong. I'm sure there are many others out there, but I've yet to explore it.

Haruki Murakami and Jazz are the perfect fusion. And it is no surprise, seeing as he did open a jazz cafe before the success of 'Norwegian Wood'. After that he closed it down and started to take writing more seriously. And I'm glad he did. But still, I feel sometimes that he misses his life with his little known jazz cafe, he writes of his love for the genre in most of his books.

His writings flows through just like jazz, it enthralls you, grabs you by the collar of your shirt and demands that you read it thoroughly. And you happily oblige.

His writings are very American, slightly influenced by the Beatnik movement, but overall he is deemed as the successor to Franz Kafka. I normally dismiss American literature entirely, which is really quite snobbish of me, but really, I didn't like Steinbeck. I stopped reading Hemingway halfway. I didn't enjoy much of Poe's short stories, although I adore his poems a lot. But if Murakami saw something in it, then I think maybe one day I'll give it another chance.

Even though his writings are as tough talking and straight to the point as his predecessor Jack Kerouac, and his analogies very similiar to that of Truman Capote, it remains very much Japanese at the core of it. It deals with the internal struggle of loneliness, and the leading of extremely unsatisfactory lives. They hardly ever get what they want, the protagonists.

I have an extreme love hate relationship with his books. It's so beautiful I can't put it down, but the ending always makes me want more. It's like dangling a candy in front of kid, and snatching it away from him as soon as he tries to make a grab for it.

He sometimes deals with the supernatural, but he does it in such a tasteful manner. You can clearly see his fascination with quantum mechanics, as his protagonists struggles with their inner demons, wishing they were on the other side. On the plain parallel universe that theoretically, exists.

I recommend Sputnik Sweetheart and After Dark, but I guess if you've never read him, try Norwegian Wood.

I could go on and on about jazz and Murakami, but I'll stop here.